Recently, while out celebrating with friends, I came upon an idea. It was a night of celebration; a culmination of 10 months of introspection, self-awareness and a feeling of merging into something more than I have been. My idea manifested as ‘the year of saying yes’ of being open to new experiences, with caveats, I’m allowed to say no to anything making my nostrils flare. While I say this in jest, genuine curiosity lingers at where this approach may take me.
However, I’ve not always felt this way. Three years ago, I wrote a blog called ‘open your heart’ and at the time I genuinely believed my heart was open. It wasn’t. It was locked in a prison of my own making.
In recent years, I have cancelled plans with friends because I was unsure of the arrangements, I’ve halted relationships because I was scared and I have closed my heart in case it gets broken. And I’ve done it all because I wanted to stay safe. And to those I pushed away, for my part, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t know why then, I do now.
Creativity is the only place I allowed myself to be free and through the world of my imagination I have lived a thousand lives, yet as the ending of any story unfolds, I have discovered within the now, the expectations, the what if’s, the maybes and the outcomes no longer matter.
I’m writing this now because it’s time for me to step out in faith, to believe and trust in myself and others. Even if it’s dark outside, even if it’s scary and even if it hurts, I’m still going to do it. I’m going to let myself to be vulnerable and be seen. I am going to live and love a full, brave and happy life.
That’s the secret. When you unlock the door, you get yourself, the real you, and it’s such a gift. I’m so thankful I’m here right now. And as for the what’s on the other side of the door? I don’t know yet, I’ll see it when I get there.